MS Angst
by mileouttahell
Summary: Subaru, Kamui, and a certain character from a book try to pick a fourth Posterboy of Angst to join them as crew on the MS Angst, and then set out around the galaxy, spreading angst (fourth chapter up)
1. Interviews




	2. The insanity continues...

A/N: Yes, Seishiro _is_ OOC. Nyah.  
  
*Vanyel, Hokuto, Subaru, Kamui, Lucia, Lan, and Relena are all lounging around the MS Angst*  
  
Hokuto: *watching the TV* Look! It's Seishiro's former incarnation!  
  
Relena: *peers over Hokuto's shoulder* Oooh! I love this movie! Mulan kicks butt! *sits down happily*  
  
Hokuto: Hey, Subaru, doesn't the bad guy look like Seishiro? *pointing*  
  
Subaru: Uh....yeah...  
  
Hokuto: That guy from Card Captor Sakura, Touya, is another previous incarnation...  
  
Lucia: *looks up from the food that she's trying to cook* Actually, I think it's just Clamp. But If you're looking for Seishiro's past incarnations, how about Thomas Jefferson...?  
  
All: *blankly* Jefferson?  
  
Hokuto: Are you serious? I can never tell with you.  
  
Lucia: Well, yeah. This is the guy who said that the tree of liberty must be fed with blood...  
  
Hokuto: ...Oh. I guess so.  
  
Lucia: Any idea why this water is burning?  
  
Hokuto: *goes over to help* Oh dear...  
  
Vanyel: So...Subaru...this Seishiro is an ex?  
  
Subaru: Well...sort of. But there is a long and complicated plot with many twists.  
  
Vanyel: Ah...I see.  
  
Subaru: Basically, he won a bet we made about whether I could make him feel for me...and I came to feel for him. But he was an emotionless assasin, so that kind of sucked.  
  
Hokuto: Actually, I've been meaning to talk to him about that....*chants a few words and Seishiro appears, floating in the air.*  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Seishiro: Hokuto-chan! Thanks for getting me out of Hell. The Devil's in one of Her moods today...  
  
Lucia: *blankly* Her...moods?  
  
Seishiro: Yes, her Moods. *eyes Lucia as though he thinks she's stupid, which she isn't- just a little clueless*  
  
Lucia: *frowning* Moods...oh! Right! _Those_ moods. *giggles nervously*  
  
Hokuto: *annoyed* Enough chit-chat out of you! I wanted to talk to you about something!  
  
Seishiro: Ehhhh?  
  
Hokuto: *pokes Seishiro in the nose* Yes, you! You lost that bet and you know it!  
  
Seishiro: *offended* Did not!  
  
Hokuto: Did too!  
  
Seishiro: Did not!  
  
Hokuto: Did too! *grabs Subaru and shoves him against Seishiro*  
  
Subaru: *objecting* Hokuto-chan!  
  
Hokuto: Now just tell me he isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen. Tell me you don't love him at least a little!  
  
Seishiro: I don't!  
  
Relena: *has been watching the exchange, and now imitates Hokuto by poking Seishiro in the nose, although less effectively since her hand goes right through him* Hey, you ever heard of that river in Egypt? Denial?!  
  
Lan: *in the background, starts scoffing*  
  
Seishiro: Hey! Stop laughing!  
  
Lan: *snork* She's so right! *falls over laughing*  
  
Lucia: Hey! Cabinboys of angst can't laugh! *blinks as Kamui joins in* Hey! Stoppit!  
  
Kamui: We're allowed to laugh once an episode!  
  
Lucia: *grumpily* Oh, whatever. Get rid of him, will you, Hokuto? *points to Seishiro* And then come help me cook.  
  
Seishiro: Hey, pancakes. I can make those. Let me.  
  
Lucia: ...OK, he can stay. For now.  
  
Hokuto: Until he confesses he lost that bet, he's not going anywhere.  
  
Lucia: ...  
  
Hokuto: *goes back to the TV and stops Mulan* I was tired of watching that. Sorry, Relena.  
  
Relena: *shrugs* Your TV.  
  
Hokuto: *suddely pauses in her manic button pressing* Hey, it's the Fuuma song!  
  
*Subaru, Kamui, and Seishiro all look up from what they're doing*  
  
Together: The Fuuma song?  
  
Hokuto: Yeah. The lead singer looks like Fuuma when he wears the little green glasses.  
  
Subaru: What little green glasses?  
  
Hokuto: Shut up and wait.  
  
*a few seconds later*  
  
Subaru: Ohhhh. Those glasses.  
  
Kamui: *irritated* He does not look like Fuuma! Fuuma's hair is not blond!  
  
Lucia: Hey, these guys also do the Kamui song. *nodnod*  
  
Kamui: ...  
  
Lucia: *sings, passably well* Then seeing a picture of Jesus he cried out/Mama he's got some scars just like me....  
  
Kamui: O.o ....  
  
Subaru: Now see what you've done! You've scarred him for life!  
  
Lucia: Oh, come on. Everyone knows he's like, the Christ figure. Although I wonder why they keep inquiring about the whereabouts of his father. I mean, duh? The Virgin?  
  
Kamui: O.o...  
  
Lucia: *into rant mode now* And another thing! What's with Sorata? You will die for a woman. Well duuuuh! Prophecies never mean what they say. They probably meant Mother Earth!  
  
Subaru: *stuffs a sock in Lucia's mouth* Ah....peace and quiet.  
  
Kamui: *snaps out of it* That guy does _not_ look like Fuuma.  
  
Seishiro: I don't know...except for the hair color, the resemblance is startling. And the use of shadow in the video does not help.  
  
Kamui: No! He doesn't look like Fuuma! Fuuma is much cuter, at least when he's sane.  
  
All: ...  
  
Kamui: What?  
  
Subaru: Fuuma's not cute. Fuuma's scary. *looking pointedly at Seishiro* Now you're cute, Kamui.  
  
Kamui: *blushing* Um....  
  
Subaru: *quickly grabs Kamui and drags him off to who-knows-where, still glaring at Seishiro until they disappear around a corner. Noise ensues.*  
  
All: O.o  
  
  
  
*the fax machine beeps*  
  
Lucia: *jumps up, relieved* Oh, look, the submissions are in! ^_^  
  
Vanyel: But we're missing two of our crew...  
  
Lucia: So? You wanna go in there and interrupt two very psychically powerful and very angsty people, one of whom has an incredible temper?  
  
Vanyel: ...  
  
Seishiro: *looking very peeved and trying to hide it* I will...  
  
Lucia: No, you most certainly may _not_.  
  
Hokuto: *sweetly* Aw....Sei-chan is jealous....^_~  
  
Seishiro: I am not! *proceeds to chase Hokuto around the room*  
  
Hokuto: Sei-chan, your pancakes are burning...  
  
Seishiro: *says something very rude, not to mention physically impossible*  
  
Lucia: C'mon, I'll help you.  
  
Seishiro: *grumble, grumble, mutter*  
  
Lucia: Van, Relena, Lan, you guys are now the review board. *gestures towards fax with spatula* Go over those applications.  
  
*The three settle down in the corner, and start looking at the papers*  
  
All three: No...no....no....no...*they begin to chuck papers behind them, until suddenly Vanyel freezes*   
  
Vanyel: Sweet mother of....*there is a pause, and then all three simultaneously smack their foreheads*  
  
All: Duh....  
  
Lucia: What? What is it?  
  
Relena: Shinji Ikari.  
  
Lucia: *smacks herself in the head with the frying pan* Oh, duh!  
  
Relena: O.o Didn't that hurt?  
  
Lucia: No, not especially.  
  
Relena: *pokes Lucia experimentally while giving her the fish eye* It should have...  
  
Lucia: *shrug* ...  
  
Lucia: My friends are convinced I'm doped up on painkillers and that's why I don't feel much in the way of pain. I think they're nuts.  
  
Relena: I think you're nuts.  
  
Lucia: *brightly* Oh, good, you noticed.  
  
Seishiro: *blinkblink* Hey, Lucia, look at that penny on the floor.  
  
Lucia: *starry eyes* Oooh...shiny....  
  
Hokuto: I was wondering why the knives were locked up.  
  
Vanyel: -_-; Yeah, we decided that the sharp and shiny thing might be a deadly combination...  
  
Lucia: *blinkblink* Uh...where were we?  
  
Relena: Shinji Ikari?  
  
Lucia: Oh! Right! Vanyel, give him a call and let him know he's been selected to the post.  
  
Vanyel: *nods* Sure.  
  
  
Next time on MS Angst: The ship takes off to spread angsty manga, books, etc. throughout the galaxy, Kamui and Seishiro try to kill each other, and Hope is pregnant again....oh, wait. Wrong cue card. Excuse me. Kamui and Seishiro try to kill each other and Lucia increasingly shows her crazy side (much to everyone's frustration- you can only get so far away from someone on a space ship.)  



	3. ...and spreads....

Hokuto: Hiiiiii everyone! Welcome back! Look, Seishiro's jealous!  
  
(Seishiro, pacing back and forth in front of Kamui's door, doesn't even notice)  
  
Vanyel: What's the point of his denial, anyway? I mean, from what Subaru said earlier, Seishiro confessed his love before he died anyway.  
  
Hokuto: *floats over and pokes Seishiro experimentally. He doesn't notice.* Well, denial is deeply rooted in him. He probably forgot or something when he arrived in the afterlife.  
  
(Lan and Relena are playing crazy eights in the corner of the room)  
  
Lan: Hah! I win!  
  
Relena: *pout* You always win! You bratty little eights hoarder! Let's play something different!  
  
Lan: How about war?  
  
Relena: I object!  
  
(Seishiro is progressively pacing further from the door each round, walks right through Relena)  
  
Relena: Ack! Cold!  
  
Lucia: *blinks, as yet another fax comes in* Um...guys, thanks a bunch, but you can stop sending in suggestions now, at least until the point where I decide to bump off one of the crew members.  
  
(Shinji, unpacking his clothes in his room, hears, since the door was open and Lucia wasn't exactly being discreet. He drops his cello case on his foot.)  
  
Shinji: Ow! Lucia, please tell me you were kidding.  
  
Lucia: ...Mostly. *proceeds to eat the fax*  
  
Relena: ...I thought my brother was weird, until I met her...  
  
Lucia: Want some? *offers it to Relena*  
  
Relena: No, that's OK, thank you.   
  
Lucia: *shrugs, and then goes to bring up a map on the console* Well, anyway, we should probably start out on our mission. *mutters something about looking up maps and navigating being Kamui's job*  
  
Hokuto: *stops harassing Seishiro momentarily* Hey, Lucia, before we leave, can I get my boyfriend? I think he would contribute suitable angst to the atmosphere.  
  
Lucia: You mean Kakyou? Sure, just make it snappy.  
  
Hokuto: Well, I kinda need some help. See, he's in a coma, and I can't really carry him, and besides that, I don't think Fuuma will be too happy to give up one of his Dragons. I mean, have you seen the December Asuka? Seishiro's wish my ass, he just wants a replacement!  
  
Lucia: *rolls her eyes* Fine, Vanyel, can you go with her? Blast everything in sight, if you have to.  
  
Vanyel: You know, that's not really my style.  
  
Lucia: *rolls her eyes again, and pushes him out the door* Just go!  
  
Vanyel: Yeah, yeah...(rubs his bottom where he fell on it, as Hokuto floats off after him.)  
  
Lucia: Well, while we're waiting for him, Lan, Relena, can you go take inventory? *hands them a list*  
  
Relena: *reading list* 50,000 CLAMP manga; 50,000 copies of various Mercedes Lackey books; 30,000 copies of the Eva subs; two boxes of string cheese- sting cheese?  
  
Lucia: You can never have too much string cheese!  
  
Relena: ...Whatever. Plus 10,000 copies of various other angsty materials; various food supplies; knives- oh, that could be a problem; and hard copies of several hundred Digimon fanfics?  
  
(Everyone stops what they're doing to stare at Lucia)  
  
Lucia: What? Do I have food between my teeth?  
  
Relena: Never mind.   
  
Hokuto: *bounds back in, closely followed by Vanyel, who is carrying a comatose body with him*  
  
Lucia: Getting kidnapped and hauled around is just a regular occurrence for the poor guy, isn't it?  
  
Hokuto: I'd prefer to think of it as un-kidnapping, in this case. Can you put him in my bedroom, Van-chan?  
  
Vanyel: *sweatdrops* Sure...  
  
Relena: Just out of curiosity, aren't a lot of the people here dead? How can Vanyel carry Kakyou around?  
  
Lucia: Well, I suppose he's not technically dead in this universe...  
  
Relena: Oh...  
  
Lucia: *falls over* Dammit, I just thought of this great angsty character. Way too late. Oh well. There's the whole bumping off factor. Or we could always use more cabin boys. *snaps her fingers, and a lavender-haired guy appears, looking confused.* Author powers! Yaaay!  
  
Mirai Trunks: *confused* Where am I?  
  
Seishiro: *finally snaps out of his daze a little* Hell. *heavily sarcastic*  
  
Trunks: Nice guy.  
  
Lucia: Wanna come run around the universe with us and spread angst?  
  
Trunks: Sure, haven't got anything better to do.  
  
Lucia: *suddenly smacks her forehead again, and somehow manages to fall over* Yo, we need to have you and Shinji introduce yourself to those fans unfamiliar with your series. In the mean time, it would be nice if we could get the ship taking off, but the captain and first mate seem to be conspicuously absent. *glances at Kamui's door, where the noise has gotten considerably louder*  
  
Seishiro: *since his attention is drawn back to the door, he begins pacing again.* *muttermutter*WillkillKamui*muttermutter*  
  
Lucia: And before Shinji and Mirai Trunks introduce themselves, I'd like to establish that there are serious DBZ and Eva spoilers ahead. OK, Shinji, go ahead.  
  
Shinji: *pops out* Hi, I'm Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion, and yes I am somewhat crazy (like everyone else in the series) but I was really angsty even before the crazy thing. My mom's dead, my dad is mean, I have to live with an emotionally unstable and somewhat crazy woman, I work with a really emotionally unstable and crazy girl, and another emotionless girl who happens to be a clone of my mother. Then I have to pilot a big mecha thing, which sucks, cause I'm a wuss and my dad tried to make me kill a friend of mine, and almost everyone I know ends up either crazy or dead. And there was one guy who kind of liked me, except I had to kill him. That really sucked. *takes deep breath*  
  
Lucia: Uh...thank you. Trunks?  
  
Trunks: I show up in Dragonball from the future, where the world got pretty much destroyed. My dad died when I was really little, and all the other good guys were killed too, except for my friend Gohan. He tried to train me to kick some major ass on the cyborgs who were destroying the world, but the only way he could get me to be strong enough was to go get killed. And that just sucked.  
  
Lucia: Thanks, Trunks. *glances at Kamui's room. OK, I give up. Trunks, you're a smart guy, you can be captain for now.  
  
Trunks: Thanks. *goes to sit down, and has the ship figured out in minutes* OK, everybody sit down. We're taking off! *pushes a few buttons, and the ship rumbles and takes off*  
  
Lucia: Cool! Good job!   
  
Trunks: Thanks. Not bad if I say so myself.  
  
Seishiro: *growls in frustration* I am going to _kill_ Kamui!  
  
Hokuto: Thank you for that interjection, Seishiro. *ignores the fact that he can't kill anyone, being dead and immaterial* Why?  
  
Seishiro: Because he- *cuts off*  
  
Hokuto: *sweetly* He what?  
  
Seishiro: He- oh, never mind! You know, I've heard of not giving up, but this is ridiculous!  
  
Relena: *starts sing-songing in the background* Denial is not just a river in Egypt....  
  
Seishiro: Now I see why the Gundam yaoi fans think you're annoying. -_-;  
  
Relena: Hey-!  
  
Lucia: How would you know, Seishiro? Do you habitually read yaoi fanfics?  
  
Seishiro: Um...well...the afterlife is rather boring...and...well...  
Lucia: *snickering* Whatever. And they only think she's annoying because she *gasp* hits on Heero! And you know, that's a real threat to his relationship to Duo! *snorts* I mean, come on, Heero's not the type to juggle lovers. Either he likes Duo, or he likes Relena. They are not threats to each other. -_-;;  
  
Relena: Tell that to the fans...besides, haven't you been known to write some lovely fics where I get rather abused?  
  
Lucia: *objecting* All in good fun! And it was only that one time...besides, I pick on the characters I like best. Look what I did to Yamato and Taichi in Mirai no Namida!  
  
Relena: ...Point.  
  
Lucia: Hey...look...we stopped. Trunks, where are we?  
  
Trunks: How would I know? I just pushed the auto pilot button and let the ship go where it wanted to.  
  
Lucia: ...Oh. Well, who wants to get Kamui and Subaru out of there? I think as the most angsty crew members, they definitely need to come with us on our angst-spreading mission. Besides, Subaru is the _captain_!  
  
Hokuto: *goes briefly starry-eyed* My brother is all grown up and spreading angst as captain of his _own ship_!  
  
Seishiro: *cheerfully* _I'll_ go get Subaru-kun out.  
  
Lucia: And kill Kamui, huh? No, I'd like _both_ of them out here, thankyouverymuch. *Seishiro starts to say something, but Lucia glares at him and interrupts* Alive. Well...this can't go on much longer....  
  
Two hours later:  
  
Hokuto: Go fish.  
  
Lan: Nuts! *picks up a card and adds it to his hand*  
  
Lucia: *groanins and buries her head in her hands, which makes her hand show, though she doesn't realize it* How much longer are they gonna be in there?  
  
(Seishiro, the only one not playing, has now paced a rut in the floor. He mutters something incoherent, but it's probably rude, judging by the context and tone of voice.)  
  
Hokuto: *grinning* Lucia...got any fours?  
  
Lucia: *groans, glancing at her hand and pulling the three fours out* How do you guys do that?  
  
Hokuto: *looks innocent* Lucky guesses, I guess!  
  
Lucia: *buries her head in her hands again, moaning*  
  
(Behind Kamui's door)  
  
Subaru: Go fish.  
  
Kamui: OK, Subaru, I'm getting kind of tired of Go Fish. Why don't we turn off the gay porn now and go out there? I'm sure Seishiro is sufficiently jealous.  
  
Subaru: Guess I can't really object at this point. Thanks for doing me this favor, Kamui.  
  
Kamui: *waves it off* No problem. Next time we should bring some chocolate ice cream in, too. I mean, we can still eat it...  
  
Subaru: Good idea! I knew I hung around you for something! *giggles, as much as Subaru is capable of giggling* I love seeing him get all jealous! Revenge is sweet...^_^ Now, we just have to go muss ourselves up a bit, and make our re-entrance!  
  
Next time on MS Angst: The cast learns why using autopilot is a bad idea, and Relena has a fit when she sees the chocolate stains in Subaru's covers. 


	4. Goodbye, Subaru!

A/N: Since this is turning into a massive crossover, I'll be moving it into the anime crossover category as of next chapter. Just didn't want y'all to miss the move.  
  
  
  
Lucia: Hi, welcome back, all! Here we are on a strange planet, about to go spread angst to the masses! Wheee!  
  
[she receives strange looks from the other characters present]  
  
Lucia: [bangs on Subaru's shut door] Are you two ready _yet_?  
  
Kamui: [opens the door abruptly, causing Lucia to fall into him]   
  
Lucia: Oops.  
  
Relena: [muttered] Oops my backside. She was trying to cop a feel.  
  
Lucia: [sweetly] Not from him. Maybe from you….[winks]  
  
Relena: ….  
  
[Subaru appears behind Kamui and helps him up. They exit the room, looking rather tousled; Kamui's shirt is untucked and both guys look like they need a hair brush.]  
  
Seishirou: [observing how messy they look] [glaaaaaare]  
  
Lucia: Seishirou, you are not going to be able to kill Kamui by glaring at him. If I could have my posterboys and cabin boys come with me, we'll go spread some angst. [hands them each a bag of books]   
  
Trunks: Shall I open the hatch?  
  
Subaru: Hey, that's my job! [There is a brief scuffle, which Trunks wins. He presses the button for the hatch, and the characters all descend onto the strange planet.]  
  
Shinji: Weird.  
  
Kamui: Look who's talking.  
  
Lucia: Hey, lookie! There's something over there!  
  
Trunks: It appears to be a foreign life form.  
  
Shinji: Aliens, ewwww.  
  
Trunks: First off, I'm an alien, and second off, we're technically the aliens here.  
  
Alien: [slithers up] Welcome to the planet Tobor. Prepare to be eaten.  
  
Subaru: …Excuse me?  
  
Alien: We haven't eaten since the last ship landed here a hundred years ago. [Dozens of menacing looking aliens ooze out of the ground]  
  
Lucia: [looks alarmed] Crud, I've read about this planet. Everyone, back on the ship, back on the ship!  
  
[They all turn around, only to find more aliens behind them, blocking their way]  
  
[Vanyel and Trunks take the initiative and begin to blow shit up. Lan quickly follows, lighting alien blobs on fire.]  
  
Relena: Now you have to feel sorry for me. I can't blow stuff up to take out my frustration. The rest of these characters can.  
  
Lucia: [nods in sympathy.]  
  
Kamui: [Lets out a yell. All aliens in the vicinity are vaporized. The group, let by Lucia, charges back on the ship.]  
  
Shinji: [to Kamui] Wow. How did you do that?  
  
Kamui: [shrugs] Phenomenal cosmic power?   
  
Lucia: Subaru, you're supposed to have been trained to fly this ship. Please get us off the ground now and for heaven's sake please don't use autopilot.  
  
Kamui: I've studied the records of other civilizations. Subaru, when you get us into space, set the ship for coordinates 56924-B and 492-4994-DJ.  
  
Subaru: Got it. [glares at Trunks] No more piloting my ship.  
  
Trunks: [looking guilty] Right.  
  
[After a few minutes of activity, everyone flops back into chairs except for Subaru.]   
  
Subaru: Well, Kamui? Let's get back to what we were doing before we were so rudely interrupted to go spread angst to a planet full of hostile and hungry aliens.  
  
[Kamui jumps up and follows Subaru, smirking at Seishirou. Seishirou makes a noise very much like a dog growling as Kamui passes him. Just before Subaru's bedroom door shuts, Kamui sticks his tongue out at Seishirou.]  
  
Kamui: Nyah, nyah, I'm getting some and you're not. [Subaru's hand reaches from inside the room and drags Kamui inside.]  
  
[A half hour later]  
  
Seishirou: Aaaagh! I can't take it any more! Subaru, I love you! [Runs over and pulls open Subaru's door]  
  
Subaru: Full house.  
  
[Kamui and Subaru are sitting on the bed with a carton of ice cream and some very chocolate-covered sheets. There are two spoons sticking out of the ice cream. Kamui's eyes suddenly widen as he looks towards the door. He jerks his head towards Seishirou, who is gaping in the doorway.]  
  
Subaru: Oh, hi, Seishirou.  
  
Seishirou: You- you-  
  
Subaru: I love you, too, Seishirou.  
  
Seishirou: …You…  
  
Subaru: You said that already.  
  
Relena: [right behind Seishirou] Aaaa! Do you know how difficult it's going to be to get those stains out of those sheets?  
  
Subaru: No. And who cares?   
  
Relena: I'm the one who's gonna have to bleach them! I mean, look at the other two women on this ship! [everyone turns to look at Hokuto and Lucia, who are having a contest to see who can lick the stripe off a candy cane faster]  
  
Lan: Well, most of the guys are gay…  
  
Relena: Yet they're still eating ice cream in bed.  
  
Lan: Right. I'm staying out of this.  
  
Subaru: [gives Kamui a look]  
  
Kamui: Oh! Right! I'll clean the sheets! [quickly strips the bed and shoves everyone out of the room.] Show's over!  
  
[An hour later]   
  
Lucia: …Subaru's not going to be angsty any more, is he?  
  
Hokuto: Not likely, no.  
  
Lucia: Fine. Vanyel, you're promoted to captain, seeing as you're closest. [hits a big red button labeled "eject".] Bye Subaru, Seishirou. We'll miss you.  
  
Next chapter: Lucia gets a mail-order bishounen, and the characters give up on any pretense of spreading angst. 


End file.
